Zaizen Hikaru

I just went to talk to my professor today, to let him know I won't be going to America after all. He was pretty upset. He says I'm squandering my talents, and that I might as well drop the program if I'm wasting his time. Luckily, there are plenty of professors willing to take me in, I still feel like I'm letting a lot of people down. I just...I want to be with Senri and Kenya. I need to be with them. I'm still scared what long distance would do to my mental health. I'm just not ready to be away, and I know there isn't anything wrong with that...

Still feel like a failure though.

Now that I leave my door open, I can tell when Kenya gets home and I can greet him appropriately. It's been great. I've been in a really great mood. I hope Senri's having fun on his travels. We've been holding down the fort here. I also hope Kenya likes the surprise massages I've been sneaking in before bed. He works too hard.

I think I'm going to head to my piercing artist tomorrow and treat myself to a new piercing.

I hate flying? I've done way too much of it in the last month. At least Senri is always really good about it and rubs my back when I'm sick, which is often. This was a long fight. It's worth it, but I'm exhausted.

We miss you, Kenya.

Senri, can we lay in bed for the next two days? Please?